so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
