Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
