I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
