mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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