As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
