So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
