He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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