Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
