Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the day after is always just damage control
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
