Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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