The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
