I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
