weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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