we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
