Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were trust falling into bushes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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