He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize