There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
