I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
