I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
