worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
