Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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