Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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