what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
