he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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