people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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