Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
