You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The adults are the big ones right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
