wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
