I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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