The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
