OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
