I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
