I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize