Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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