i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
