She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
