My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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