We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
