What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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