3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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