He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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