Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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