I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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