My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize