Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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