He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The air taste purple.
Randomize