toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
