I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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