I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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