This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
