Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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