Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize