Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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