I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
