Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
