I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
