he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize