do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
