I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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