my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just googled if crying burns calories
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
