WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
