you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
