my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
