The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
