Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
